Written

This is it. The phase that I fear the most, after my 20th birthday. I had issues, with long-distance. It almost seems impossible. But.. ya, how did I do it previously after my girls and I graduated from high school and continuing our paths differently from what we've planned previously or how exactly did my parents do it since I was 11? I'm afraid for what the future may hold, but my mother always told me there's nothing to be afraid of when you have Allah by your side. I am bad at keeping up with people, seriously(exception to best friends) and that's why distance scares me so much but I am always missing all the good folks that had been so nice to me and try to have a catch-up sesh during tri-break especially.

Best friends are flying soon, one will move to Pahang, one in Perak and my sweetheart is finally graduating. I couldn't be any proud for any of them. I must say, I am very happy to see how beautifully our journey had been.. through ups and downs, of the good jokes to the heartbreaking moments. Each time, we would have each others' back. I still remember that time when we felt homesick so bad during the first few months of uni, midnight calls, wished each other for a better tomorrow knowing that we'll make it and told each other how much we've missed the day after school(but not the homework) and our lovely paranoid moms. Things just began to spiral up these few days and I'm in that emotional phase. Again but this time, I know I have to be a real steel.

Reminiscing about how wonderful this one guy is(after my parents and my family) was a blessing. I could not express my gratitude to Allah rather than to be a good worshiper(will try my very best) to have him around me till death do us apart. I am really into him that I prayed for him, for us, for his and my family, each time day and night prayers just to have him loving only me(as the only non-mahram), to be his, in a halal way and to have this joyous journey together. How he picked up those broken pieces.. I must have done something right before our paths crossed(or good Lord know why). Now that this guy is finally an adult(apparently). I am trying my best to adapt to the situation.

No more after class movies, no more breakfast or lunch between classes and no more weekdays dates(maybe). Despite I have been so much of a cry baby about this but I'm being understanding, because eventually, I will have to go through the same phase of life. For this, I may be a different person in order to fit in. He's always making me proud and motivates me to be as smart as he is(smart at studying last minute and getting it all right). I wish you the best of experience and success in your work life. May Allah continue showering you with his blessings of bigger opportunities in the future and may you do good with what you've earned(of His blessings). My prayers are always with you, my love.

I have been thinking so much to change the way I dress as some looks I get(especially from strangers/guys are very uncomfortable), I even bought dresses these days but still Idk where the guts may come from to prevent these skinny jeans and sleeveless tops(may Allah ease this one as well). I cannot lie, I am fighting with my alter ego to dress properly each time before I go out, I prayed to look gracefully beautiful once I covered so well and to gain strength from the way I dress. But I know once I changed the way I dress I have to start being a real Muslim(by this I mean istiqomah and to prevent self from sins). 

Getting into studies, I know I haven't struggle so hard unless I'm 3 weeks away from final(or just when I feel like I needed to). Those sleepless nights are enough, but not good enough. I will have to study harder, but not just to be blinded by my CGPA.. as I ought to be taking care of my relationship with Allah and others as well. Being 20, I seriously couldn't find a significant time that has been deeply historical in a good way to look back at other than my cgpa results, beautiful family, lovely guy and good friends but I always know that I wanted to do more. May I continuously be surrounded with good people around me till I finally make it. Aaamiin.

Written previously on 07/06/15 ------------ revoiryasmin.blogspot.com